Tracey Jones

Mastering the art of our private life

The Personal Emotional Strategy ‘IS’ as important as your Business plan.  It’s what will keep your mind flowing through your work and personal life.  Following on from the previous article I would like to delve a little deeper into our personal lives.  
I often come across people within a specific field that excel over and beyond, yet sometimes other areas of their life aren’t going so well. They have such a focus to a skill set within their field of expertise, bring them out of that focus and they’re not sure what to do, how to react, how to plan, which can then have an impact on the personal life. 

For example, skilled people have mastered their field of expertise, it’s their passion, it’s what they repeatedly do every day, its where the energies are placed, they spend real time within this set of skills, they know the skill, they know what is needed, they have spent hours mastering the skill.

However, often as a result, home/personal life has a very different energy, which is how it should be, to a certain point.  
I have come across people who are at the top of their game in the place of work and their home life is shattering around them. 
Answer to the problem? Understanding your own PES, placing the similar passion (the feeling) and the same skills into the personal life, each and every one of us has our own strategy for mastering our expertise in the professional capacity and you have put in thousands of hours to do that. So why reinvent the wheel when you already have excellent strategies in place?
It’s about spending time in knowing you, knowing what you want within your personal life, so that you can react with your own PES System firmly in place. How can I be the best version of me in my personal life?

When thoughts and feelings are compatible with each other, we obtain the perfect environment for creating. If you set out to accomplish something in your private life or maybe transitioning from one career to the next, spend time asking yourself: 
·       What’s my intention? 
·       What’s my outcome? 
·       To achieve this outcome how do I need to be? Emotionally? The PES

We ensure we are at peak performance:

  • Before walking out in front of your team to deliver on a new project – you have set your intention
  • Before walking through that tunnel to play the match – you have set your intention 
  • Before going on that stage to sing in front of thousands – you have set your intention
  • Before walking out in front of your board of directors – you have set your intention 
  • Before holding that presentation – you have set your intention 

What if we could use the same strategies within our personal life?

  • Before you walk through the door to your family/partner – Have you set your intention?
  • Before talking to your children – Have you set your intention?
  • Before talking to your partner – Have you set your intention? 
  • Before you pick up the phone and make that call to someone – Have you set your intention?

We do have control over our intentions and how we respond to our life.  Living in alignment with our set intentions, we can respond to the situation skilfully. We can start placing the intelligence into the emotions. 
All these intentions have thoughts (language) and emotions (feeling) attached to them. Being able to set your intentions and understanding how I will show up is key to supporting and mastering your private life. 

Have you set your intentions in this way before? This does not take hours to do, we are talking seconds. Let us take the “Before you walk through the door to your family” example.

Have I asked myself how do I need to be? (PES) How would I like to show up? What does the best mum or dad look like as soon as I walk through that door? Is it going to be the parent that says to their children “just leave me have a few minute please, I haven’t stopped all day” or will it be the parent that pauses in the car for a few seconds and visualises walking through the door with the biggest smile and asks the children how their day has been? All the while looking at them with pure love and gratitude. How different do you think you would feel if you spent these 5/10 minutes with family as soon as you walk through the door? It will have an empowering, lasting effect on all of you. 

It’s simple tweaks to our language and behaviours.  Have we set the intention of how I’ll be walking through the door to great my partner at the end of the day? how often do they get the part of us that isn’t present, that’s worn out from the day, that doesn’t have much energy to engage in a meaningful conversation ? what can we do to ensure that our time at home has more purpose? Has more meaning? 

Let’s look at a simple analogy – the tuning fork – what do you want to be vibrating out around you? Its’ as simple as that.
What energy do you want to be vibrating out to your family/partner? The person that they are happy to see walking in through the door or the person they are happy to see walking out the door?  Take a moment to think about the quality of your language with loved ones? What do you notice? 

Keeping the relationship alive and investing quality time into it

Spending time nurturing home life. Why is It that when we enter into a relationship, often we haven’t spent the time really understanding what is it that will enable the relationship to work and have the longevity we might long for?  do I really understand me enough to know what I’m really looking for in a relationship? and when I have that relationship do I spend time nurturing it?  Communicating? Investing in one and other?
Do I put the effort into the relationship like I put the effort into my work? do we have a good balance of nurturing our work and home life? 
If we haven’t spent quality time in our private life how do we expect this part of our lives to run smoothly?  If we are on the top of our game in work why can’t we be at the top of our game in our personal life too. Use your strategies that you already have to enhance that area of your life. 

Many of us might have lost that sense of purpose, our personal purpose of relaxing enjoying with family, friends and loved ones. Ensuring we also create a life outside of work that has true purpose and meaning. 
Nurturing the relationships that matter, because if we don’t we can find ourselves in a very different situation.

Focus on what you want rather than what you do not want

Spend time understanding and learning our thoughts and behaviors. Ask myself how did I show up in that situation? What does the best wife, husband, father, mother, sister, brother, daughter, son or friend look like? 
What are my learnings from it to support me in being the best version of myself within my personal relationships? Training your mind in self-care will support to make you a better person not only for yourself but also your loved ones. 

Tweaking that lens just a little can make the world of difference. Finding that extra energy to invest in your personal life and making your personal life and loved ones a priority. 

All my love, 
​TJ xx

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